=（

我以为我很坚强，可是到头来，我也只会哭=（

the secret

the secret?
i always use that word
because i believe no one live without hiding a secret deep inside their heart,
people take time to learn how to express their feeling
but no one ever want to show the weakest side of yourself to the others
people born learning reveal part of you but not all
telling half the truth and let lie conquer the inner sincere feeling
afraid of getting hurt
scared of the vowel attack by person that stand on your way

perhaps we call it adaption
some slowly learn to telling people their story
somehow hard to keep it to themselves
but the story always not a full piece
they still keeping the deepest feeling to themselves
not wanting to collapse in front of others
ego?
dignity?
i am not sure
perhaps they feel safe living side by side with secret

the day comes, people ask
"are you worried-free? i never see you missing a smile on your face"
they replied with another smile
ironically, deep inside, they laughed to themselves
they never realise the fence between their heart and the others is getting higher and hard to jump over
adaption
to stay strong, never get defeated, with debt
they return it with their freedom to show the true and sincere side
it is definitely not a lie
a secret cn be beautiful
when someone come near you
and peel it off...

Friend

A friend of mine

We get to know each other for 1 year and gradually

i realise i appreciate this friendship and i never want to let it go

it is comfortable to have each other as companion and talk about anything

your life, obstacles that come to your way, what stop you from moving on,  what hurts you deeply that makes you cry, what personality that you want to change to be a better person.

We know that we never have to tell what each other feels because it is written all over your face

We never take silent mood as awkward

because we know it is time for us to think

i never get bored by your sharing and what i want is just to get to know more about you

u make me believe the sincerity of this friendship

and i do and will support you and come to you at first if you need me

never know there is a kind of friendship that comes so pure

and once i grasp it i never want to miss it again

i hope it lasts forever

i hope i can see your smile everyday

i hope we can share and talk about everything whenever ou are around

i want to listen and know more

it is good to know that we have each other companion at the moment and share our dream together

knowing life is all about meeting new friend and departure one day

i appreciate it more and at the moment i just want to do more and more

and i hope even one day~either of us is not around each other anymore, still we know that once someone unexpected enter ur life and tell you how much and how serious he or she takes this friendship as~

i am glad to know you

JOGOYA!~

                  JOGOYA! It had been a week I had been waiting, stomach grumbling, not eating anything since morning, fasting with my Malays friends in class, joining Famine 30(haha, the real reason I joined Famine is not because I wanted to leave my stomach empty for Jogoya of course=P).Friday class seemed so bored and and my brain wan’t functioning well that morning, because I wanted to reserve some energy, I am so hungry.  Then, we took KTM and monorail and reached Pavilion after an hour++ journey. Food is the only things that entered my eyes despite the luxurious decoration of the restaurant or the “handsome” cook, LOL~ shashimi, fried oyster, lobster salad, abalone, con fish, sweet and sour scallops, honey fish, green tea cake, chesse cake, Haagen Daaz, prawns, crabs, sushi, kimchi, etc etc…. we were starving and you know what , when a person starve , they put the tble manner behind and never hesitate anymore but eat non stop until you feel that you can give birth the nest moment you stepped out of the restaurant. After the first 2 dishes of all these seafood,meats, hehe, not taking any vegetables as we don’t want to waste even a small little space in our stomach , that is what we called, “make the trip worthy”=P. I felt weird that I don’t have the feeling of full so I continue to take more and more food, another plate of cake, green tea, chesse cake, chocolake cake, pudding and ++ another 5 scoops of Haagen Daaz ice cream with different flavor, passion fruit, green tea, oreo, chocolate, vanilla and soso.Then, we ordered some side dishes too. Time flies! There were only 10 more minutes left. So, I went to take another plate of seafood, with all the favourite that I enjoyed eating the most like the fried oyster, lobster salad, abalone, prawns, well, just like passing exam paper ~LOL~ time up and we left reluctantly. Erm, a bit weird to say that I am not entirely full tht moment. However, once I stepped out of the Jogoya and started to exercise around,wow,~I feel like a pregnant lady who is going to give birth anytime!i experienced backpain and so and so. FinallyI gave up walking around, sat down and enjoyed the show named “the dark knight”. It took about 3 hours and then we went back to hostel. Jogoya, I will come again!=P

Hope keep us alive

 Famine 30

                    I joined Famine 30 week ago, I have heard of it since secondary school but I never got an opportunity to participate due to thousands reason and the main one is always, I am busy with something and I never think of finding times to join, So, I tols myself never miss this one again. The famine 30 started with a very smple ice breakinf session, playing games like measure the length of your smile,too bad, all this times I thought of I have a big mouth but only irealise that my mouth is 0.5 cm smaller than my twins, Gabby. I was chosen to be the eader for my group and I figured out the main reason is because I make too much “noise” and so hard for pepel not to notice it, wakaka!LOL~then we also played games like “clap and throw the ball” hehe, I supposed I am quite good in physical activities to reamin as the last 2 people who able to stand and catch the ball(the one that fail to clap before catching the ball have to kneel down) but I become worst when It comes to calculation, which named “buss”. I was super confused by the number and shame to say that I was the first one who being kick out out for this game! After the game, we sang the song”it starts with me ” by Francissca Peter.The lyrics is very meaningful. Then , we watched a short video titled”Walk in Sabrina’s Shoes.”It talks about how some people living in poverty forced to spend at least 6 hours everyday just in order to get some”water from mud” in order to survive. But Sabrina did the same thing everyday even when she is pregnant. It emphasizes on hoe important to save water in out daily life. Then , there was small intro, promotionl clip and flashback about famine 30. Then, a short sharing of “Abito’s life ”was shown. It is all about how a small boy survive from disease and from a skinny and almost died boy, with the help world vision, he grow into a man! Then, we started our famine 30 callenge 4. We played some station games like dig away the landmine, transfer food and water from 1 place to another with lots of obstacles on the way, how to transfer people to hospital with water splashing everywhere and etc. And after everythings end, we came beck to the great hall, watching the hunger games, which I had already watched but nevermind, I do like to watch it again.

                             I learnt a lot after joining the famine 30. I learn thet ever life is precious, hope is perseverance to finish a mission, hope bringing more friends into mission, the very first step to hope is to have a willing heart, and we must have a practical application to hope/ Overall, I can tell that million thousands of people are being marginalized and destituted, More and more died of hunger every day but hope keep them alive and they know that if they keep the hunger for hope. They can survive in harsh condition nad I can tell ,World Vision provide that hope!

Fantasy vs reality

 Vampire Diaries

         I watched the series of Vampire Dairies during my long sem 2 break and found myself so addicted to it. It is a supernatural drama series developed by  Kevin Williamson. The series takes place in Mystic Falls, Virginia, a fictional small town haunted by supernatural being.The main focus of the series is the love triangle between the protagonist Elena Gilbert(Nina Dobrev) and the vampire brothers Stefan Salvatore(Paul Weasley) and Damon Salvatore(Ian Somerhalder) . I was astonished by seeing how a person have such a strong faith in herself, so persevere and yet not easily beaten down by the challenges that she faced, but she grew stronger and stronger after every single obstacles that come in her way, her parents’ death, the truth that her boyfriend is a vampire, her best friend turns into a vampire, the death of her aunt, Stefan becomes a monstrous riper. Life always doesn’t go on the way we want it to be but we learn, we learn in progress, to be much more better and perfect, never give up as this can be the most easy thing to be done but the worst choice you can ever made.

                  I was fascinated by the love story between them. The way Elena and Stefan put each other priority all the times. Stefan sacrificed himself to safe Elena as a doppelganger. Elena is willing to sacrifice her life to Klaus so that Stefan can get his freedom again. That is the sacrifice of love that seldom happened in real life. However, that is what everyone looking for in their entire life and easily ended up with nothing, the cruelty of life. The love doesn’t apply to couples only in this series but to friendship as well, the way Bonnie helps Elena in whatever way she can. Although part of the reason her grandma died is because of her, she never blame but accept it. In real life, we hardly put others’ convenience as the very first one in life because we tend to be selfish. When we want to do something, we start thinking of the benefits it brings to us but not to others. In real life, people only lend you a helping hand when they think it doesn’t harm them at all, there are only a few that will come to the extent that they find one forget about themselves and think of you first, and only parents will do that for you. So, if you find one, cling to your friend and never let her go because he can be the rare species in this world.  

           This movie is the mixture of element of adventure and romantics and People said the storyline is so much under expectation but  I truly enjoy watching it just purely because I find so much thing, the maturity of the protagonist that I admired so much, love, and friendship that I find it hardly to achieve in real life. I am still grateful that in fantasy, such things exit and give me hope and reason to live on.

Prove ~

The day you stand up for yourself and tell the others, "I am not aimless or don't care,  just that we are craving for different things, what i want is not just an ephemeral paper of qualification, but i search for inner solace, i want to enter the realm of spirituality, and you will never understand because you aren't me, and i blame myself for my stupidness~ "

i treasure memories the most.............just because you guys are in

Day by day,

I am growing up

Sometimes I tend to buried my past deep inside

Far behind my memory

Because it is too precious to lose

and I treasure it so much

I always wonder when will be the best time for me to sit and just reflect  back

what had happened all those year…..

And think back what had changed me so much

What makes me work so hard to achieve my dream

What hurt me the most until u forget how to cry

What makes me pledge to learn how to love when you are just used to be all alone

Who makes me face the reality and finally broke out to tell just the truth and no lie anymore

What makes you so afraid to lose something that you tell yourself you better not having it from the very beginning

Who is the one that never abandoned you and stepped in front of you whatever so happened

Who is the one that give you  the instinct they are your friends forever in the first sight

Who makes you crazier day by day

Who touched your heart just by one word

Who makes you stay awake overnight to just think of what happened to you

Who make an agreement for a journey to desert with you though it might take more than just years to achieve

Who is what you call bro and sis

There are so much more and more

And most importantly, what makes you realize you  can lose everything but not friends

I born as a child with nothing

Just like anyone else

Then I learn

I scared

I cried

I escaped

I hide all your feeling from other acknowledgement

Realizing how weak I am

I know I can never live alone

I need one thing and I can abandoned all others

I always said I treasure memories the most

But without awesome friends and family and even my dog with me

The memories means nothing to me

I treasure memories

And there is only one reason

Because you guys are in…..

The Shadow

Never take time to look back
Never realise how much he had done for me
Another trip back to INTEC
and my dad sent me to the bus station
it was just like a routine and i am so used to it
But he never stop worrying
His reminder never stop
"Hey, make sure you have everything in your luggage"
"yes~"
"Are you sure this is the bus?Don't enter the wrong one"
"Dad, i know, i will wait here,you go to work, i will be ok"
"I will wait here until the bus comes"
"well then"
"Dad, the bus is coming, you go first"
"Are you sure this is the bus?"
"Yeah, I am sure"
He grabbed the ticket and headed for the ticket vendor in the bus and asked again.
Then ,he felt satisfied and let me enter
I never understand why he is so worried.
 And i entered, he didn't leave
Until the bus started to move then only he turned away
I looked at his shadow

All of a sudden,
I wanted to tell him how much i appreciate everything he had done for me.
I know he always put my safety as priority
but he never tell how much he care about me.

Daddy is a business man,
to earn money, he works very hard
under the hot sun the whole day,

He get tense up easily and started to become bad tempered
He need more rest, he ordered us to do things for him of course
If we are not fast enough, he started to get angry and scolded

But i know all come from stress

But i know he is controlling but sometimes he failed
I know he is not so high educated and still for the family
He had to work hard
I can see the sweat rolling down
everytime he come back from work
He was so use to it
After the whole day under the sun, he get tired.

i ever wanted to tell my dad,
dad, just rest and enjoy your life, i will take care of your life,
i will earn enough money. i want you to live happily
but i know i still have long way to go before i can have the ability to earn enough money
i want to say that to you so much
i am waiting for the day to come, but now, the only word i can say is
"dad, i really understand, i know why you behave in such a way,
i do know that you feel sorry everytime you have argument with mum,
you scolded us, you hit brother because of his naughtiness or the vague words that accidentally comes out due to angriness,

i remember how close we are we i am still that small little girl and you always carry me in your hand when we go travelling

i always bear in mind i am who i am today because you raise me,
 i do and i always want to tell you how much i appreciate everything you have done,
now i can only say i love you dad!

i hope the day comes and i can tell you how much i care about you
and how much i hope i can ask you to stop workin,
 just rest and enjoy your life"

i shall never forget your shadow, when you turn and leave me in the bus station~

love is a message

if i can travel around everywhere, and touch the heart of people that i acquaint, at least once, then the message of love will keep on spreading~

i m a gemini~

a gemini never want to follow the routine or focus on sth, they like multitask, and fresh things, just like a lomography camera, they want to capture every sweet moment happens in their life, without focus zone as in no focus means no lap, it only capture the most natural moment of all around me, it may be be just blur, but it is the very real moment i am talking about~get what i mean?capture life moment in the that instance, blurr but sweet and memorable

easier path

i just don't want to use the easier path, i want to make my life as harsh as possible, but i will never give up!

that is life~

people entering and leaving you in your life,unaware how much memories you all share, as time flies, but still, keep the best memories between each other, you can keep the feeling to yourself, you can express your appreciation, or you can shed your tears, but never forget to go on with your life, more and more waiting ahead for you to explore~

love is simple

when i want to love and don't want to have burden, i wil just love~ if you ask do i expect anything?i don't

out of comfort isn't a bad thing

God move me out of the comfort, i expose to all the terrible feeling, i fall and i learn, i cried and weep, but learning in progress, now i know and He give me the best gift ever~

live simply, think deeply, act nobly

to seek and attain inner peace, live simply, think deeply, act nobly, and leave the world a better place you found it~

memories

occasionally, you may hear the whisper of the page turning
inhale, you will breath in the musty perfume of the old books
memories are like seeds
they are concealed with imagination
or perhaps they buried even deeper
ripening with the quickening of heart
and growing according to the soul's own season
planted in childhood, it sometimes do not bear food
until it reach adulthood
however, they lie within the imagination
within the heart
within the soul
they do not perish......